Close to Nowhere

We have a lot of pets at our two houses in the woods. Some of them we even intended to have. Some were accidents.

Our biggest accident, at the moment, is a puppy, about 6 months old maybe, who looks to be part Labrador, part hound of some sort. Steve has the head of a lab and the long lanky look of a hound. He’s solid black. He’s also one of the dumbest dogs we’ve had.

But he’s sweet. He may be gawky and clumsy right now, but when he grows into those long legs, he’s gonna be a big dog.

When daughter Dana found him, he was starving. You could see all his ribs and hip bones. He’s still real skinny, but that’s because he’s almost too dumb to eat.

I feed a lot of Dana’s animals. Her big older dogs, Tonka and Francis, won’t let anyone else eat. Steve, a big coward, is terrified of them. Vidalia (I didn’t name any of them) is not afraid of them, but...

She’s probably as old as Steve. There’s certainly a size difference. Vidalia isn’t as big as some of our cats. I think she’s supposed to be part cocker spaniel and part Jack Russell terrier. I believe the Jack Russell part only too well. She is a rough and tumble, though tiny, little girl.

She braces those tiny front legs and growls for all she’s worth. It would be a lot more impressive if she weighed even 10 pounds.

She’s terrified the cats. Dana’s cats can’t eat outside because of Dana’s dogs. So I, being an idiot, feed the cats on my deck. Vidalia can get on the deck no matter how many of the spaces we block.

So, the cats can’t eat on the deck. Vidalia and Steve can’t eat anywhere outside. My dogs, Riva the German shepherd and Teddy the cavalier King Charles spaniel eat in my house so they don’t have any problems.

It’s turned into a comedy of errors though. Monday night  I brought Vidalia and Steve in my house to eat. I fed the cats on the deck. Teddy retreated to the big chair and Steve was everywhere in the house, all at once.

I had to put Riva out. Vidalia went into her fighting stance and was growling terribly at Riva. Riva, while still a puppy at a year old, doesn’t like being menaced by a tiny, fierce creature.

So, at one point, I was trying to hold onto Vidalia and Steve, put Riva out and feed the cats and get them out of the house (they eat my bread).

All this chaos and only one of the troublemakers was mine!