Close to Nowhere

“Bumpy, do you know what happened to Jesus?” Shepard asked me this past Sunday.

“No, tell me about it,” I said.

“Well, there was a man named Jesus and some bad guys beat him down to the ground then put him on some wood, put some nails in him and he died!”

Me: “Wow, really?”

Shepard: “Yeah but then he came back to life and turned into a rock and rolled away!”

If anyone remembers Art Linkletter and “Kids Say the Darndest Things,” I know a kid he would have loved.

Early on, granddaughter Merideth (Shepard’s mom) has always been afraid of what Shepard will say. She worried about him asking people if he can cut them open so he can see their insides. On his first day of 3-K he was anxious to meet all his new friends so he could show them his blood. She hopes he’ll grow up to be a life-saving doctor.

One night he wanted to watch “I Love Lucy” as his bedtime show. He told Mere that he loved Lucy and one day she could be Lucy.

On a recent trip around our back field with his mom, he told her his name was Shepard and they were going on an ant hill poking trip. They were going to find a good camping spot and sleep in their car. Then he wanted to know if they could eat ants.

Then there was the day he was getting ready for school and announced that he and his dad Tim were going to go fishing and he was going to catch a shark and it would probably bite his arm off.

After watching Australian TV one afternoon, he told his mom that she was a “cheeky little girl.”

He absolutely adores Dolly Parton and goes around singing “Jolene” at the top of his lungs.

One of the things going around Mere’s “mom page” is a questionnaire for your kids. Some of Shepard’s answers:

With a million dollars he would buy a dinosaur (real one), chocolate and cereal with marshmallows; toys will take you to the beach; mom and dad always tell him that he has to go to school (he loves school); his mom is the strongest person in the world; babies come from the babysitter; the worst rule Mom has for him is that she loves him; he likes to dance with you (Mere); he’s 4 years old and he’s not dying; he wants a big, big, big, big, blue Jeep; their house is the safest place because there are no monsters; and his mom loves him the most.

She told him one night to eat all his dinner and he told her he couldn’t because he didn’t want a big belly like hers (she maybe weighs 100 pounds soaking wet). Then he told her to go fix her hair and put on some makeup so she could be pretty again.

But my all-time favorite thing — he and Mere were laying on the couch, he was maybe 3 at the time — “I love you Mommy, do you love me? Yes, Shepard I love you. Mommy are you loving me? Yes, baby, I’m loving you. Good, cause I’m loving you.” Then he leaned over and kissed her on the top of her head.

Kinda makes up for everything...

Linda Jones of Laws Hill is a former staff writer for The South Reporter. She is retired but continues her weekly column.