Thursday, January 23, 2014
There are many opportunities in the tabloids
Have you ever looked closely at the ads in the various tabloids available at Walmart, grocery stores, etc?
Why, you can change your whole life!
Free money, rejecting lovers returned within 24 hours, make thousands weekly mailing this, that and the other, obtain a free minister’s license, get a divorce for under $300, etc.
It just makes your head spin!
The real classic is the oldest scam in the world - mailing stuff from home. I’m looking at “good weekly income,” the toe-wetting “$2,000 weekly,” a daring “$3,200 weekly” and the big kahuna, “$3,800 weekly,” mailing brochures and processing mail.
One foolhardy soul promises payment in advance, another guarantees free postage supplies (directions to the post office?); the $2,000 weekly is for mailing 400 brochures!? Let’s do some math here - perhaps you burn the brochures to melt the gold out.
Then, there is the 900 numbers, starting at $99 with quick payouts. Now we all know what the 900 numbers are for, don’t we? All offshore, based in little island countries we probably never heard of. And what the $99 payment is for isn’t specified – per call, when they feel like paying you, maybe never?
The psychics are just fantastic. Most of them are God-gifted (???), will guarantee to bring the love of your life back totally committed to you forever. Result time varies; seven minutes, overnight, 24 hours, instantly, or hours (how many not specified). One claims to have a master’s Ph.D and to be a Yale graduate. I thought a master’s degree and a Ph.D were two different degrees, didn’t you? Maybe a graduate of Yale Lock Co.?
Their fees seem fairly reasonable. Just $25 gets lovers back in hours, $29 returns lovers, $45 reunites lovers, $50 gets you one day results (as in, “no way, Jose”).
One rash fellow claims his services are free until your love returns.
If you need instant cash, this is the place to look. You can get free cash grants from $5,000 to $750,000 (that’s what it said) right now, with no repayment. No repayment? Say what? Maybe this is from Santa Claus. Several speak about giving you grants of money. I thought grants were given by various organizations or governments for specific purposes with lots of forms involved which have to be filled out in quadruplicate.
Some of these ads also guarantee your being approved for a loan – apparently they don’t care about credit history. You don’t pay, they nail your knees to the floor. What’s to worry?
To speed up your trip through college and to avoid those four years of study, tests, ruinous college fees and general nerve-shredding, you can obtain your degree with the speed of light. Why pay when you can get a free university degree, complete with transcripts by contacting an outfit in the long, skinny state to the south of us. It even gives a college name, either mail or web-site. Wonder what kind of courses and grades your transcript contains? Two years or four?
Now, if you hanker to become an overnight minister without the years of seminary study, thousands of dollars in course fees and years of payback of college loans, you can do it for free! The land of fruits and nuts will give you a free minister’s license and degrees and apparently ordain you, all through the mail. I’m sure our local ministers are kicking themselves for all the study, oral and written exams, soul-searching, college fees, and brain-cracking work they went through when they could have just written off for a degree.
One last thing that intrigued me. We gardening folks know what elephant ears are, don’t we? Well you can get a recipe for them. Do we want to eat these things? Aren’t they poisonous or something?
I’m not sending $3 for this recipe - I don’t want to know. No, that’s not the last thing. Here is the true ultimate!
A safe, simple eye technique is revealed to you that enables you to see your own brain!
But – what if nothing is there?
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