Thursday, January 2, 2014
Close to Nowhere
2007 resolutions revisited
Seven New Year’s ago...
My youngest granddaughter (then 8 years old) made her New Year’s resolutions in Sunday School and then read them aloud during Children’s Moment to the entire congregation (along with the rest of the kids). She whispered frantically for a few minutes with her Sunday School teacher, who agreed it was OK to leave No. 4 out -- “Have a New Year’s Party if we ever get home from church!”
No. 1 was get “strait A’s” -- I hope Mrs. Smith is not reading this! Then we had the usual “get to school on time” (Gremlin takes after her mother -- time is not a factor in their lives). Get to bed on time was a good one also. Grem never wants to go to bed on a school night.
No. 5 was my favorite: “Do not get a cold!!!” She spent one entire school year sick with strep throat several times, scarlet fever, mono and pneumonia. She doesn’t care much for being sick nowadays.
I don’t make resolutions anymore. Not only do I not keep them, I can’t remember what I resolved to do or not do anymore. So...
I did get a laugh out of most of the following that went around the email circuit last week.
• Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. - Bill Vaughn
• Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it’s twice as onerous a duty. - John Selden
• An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughn
• A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. - Anonymous
• The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to. - P.J. O’Rourke
• Now, there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your last year’s New Year resolution. - Jay Leno
• Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin
• Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true. - Lord Tennyson
• New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
A man after my own heart! Happy 2014!
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