Thursday, October 25, 2012
The Preacher’s Corner
I have devoted myself to holding onto my wallet
Men’s wallets and ladies’ purses are among our most personal possessions. Of all the things that are ours, these are among the items we keep closest to us. I sense instantly if my billfold is not in my back pocket. It is perhaps the reason we feel so violated when we become the victim of a pick-pocket or purse snatcher.
One of the great imponderables to me, is that all this having been said, women carry all their possessions in purses, whereas men use wallets. A purse has to be remembered. A wallet in the pocket is always there for the ride. Why women add this extra possession to keep up with is one of the great divisions between the sexes. As in so many other ways, it is just less trouble to be a man.
This reminds me of an incident in my college days, when the TV was advertising those large handbags with special compartments for every conceivable item. A friend suggested to the ladies watching the commercial with us that this would be perfect for them.
“What? Lug that big thing around? You wouldn’t catch us dead with one of those purses!”
OK. Good idea gone wrong! I thought it was a practical suggestion.
Thirty years later, they are advertising similar purses again. I wonder if my friends would have the same reaction.
The reason for writing today is to recall the one and only time I ever lost my wallet for an extended period. Yes, it has been lost temporarily, having gone through the washing machine a couple of times. But then I got it back quickly and had clean money to go with it.
The time I lost my wallet for an extended period was the morning after a certain New Year’s Eve party I attended. Now, before you let your imagination run wild, please be assured it was hosted by members of my church, and was an entirely sedate, though enjoyable, occasion. I was home by midnight. I am sure I was.
The next morning I could not find my billfold. I retraced my steps. I looked in my car. I phoned my hosts from the night before. Nothing turned up.
Usually when I mislay something it turns up in a few hours, if not a day or two. This morning, for example, the dust jacket for a book I had been reading turned up. It was under another book. I had removed it so that it would not become crinkled while I was reading. I knew it would re-appear.
But my wallet did not surface. So, after a few days, I went down to Linwood’s and purchased a new one and then went through that awful dance of re-applying for my credit cards, driver’s license, Social Security card, and all the other things you have to do when your wallet or purse goes missing. Fortunately, I knew there had not been much cash in my billfold. But you do wonder who now has your personal information, and what might come to haunt you on down the road.
That ended the matter for about a year or more. Then, one day I was getting dressed, and I put on a certain pair of brown trousers. They were too tight! Then it came to me. There was something in the back pocket! Yes, it was my lost wallet. I had put on those same slacks the night of the New Year’s Party, and they had been too tight then, too. I had changed pants, put the first pair back on the hanger and into the closet, and forgotten to transfer my billfold. That little step had been forgotten in all my retracing of steps!
This brings up another of life’s imponderables. You expect new clothes to shrink a bit when they are washed or go to the cleaners. But mine always shrink horizontally, not vertically. I find that the cloth in waists is much more prone to draw in than the cloth around the cuffs. Manufacturers should take note and adjust for this situation.
As in so many cases, I take comfort in the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus said, “Lay not up for yourselves treasures on Earth where moth and rust corrupt, and thieves break in and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where moth and rust do not corrupt, and thieves do not break in and steal.” Not only will we have no crime, but I hope our minds will be perfected so that we can keep up with our stuff. It is a joy to which I look forward. Meanwhile, I have devoted myself to holding onto my wallet, and I took those pants to the Goodwill.
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