Thursday, January 12, 2006

Close to Nowhere
By Linda Jones

A Christmas present mistake?

One of the things that Santa Claus brought to my youngest granddaughter was a loom.

I’m about to decide Santa Claus is an idiot!

Santa Claus bought an older one — “he” found one that still had all the thread and stuff still attached. Santa thought it would be easier that way — we’d have something to go by to figure out how to thread the thing ourselves.

Santa also ordered a beginning weaving text book. He apparently thought that the Gremlin’s mother and grandmother would be intelligent enough to decipher this. Santa was wrong! I am about to decide we are not intelligent enough!

Our daughter is a wonderfully creative person — she can knit and crochet absolutely beautiful sweaters, socks, gloves, etc.

I can sew. I’ve sewn since I was about 11 or so.

Both of us can read instructions, patterns, etc.

The loom is still on my dining room table, partially unthreaded, waiting until someone intelligent enough to figure it out comes along.

It seems, after we’ve figured out how to warf the thread (or worf or woof or howl or something) you have to tie the ends to a stick on the front bottom of the loom. Then you have to thread each individual thread through something called heddles.

THEN, you have to wrap the bottom threads in some kind of rolled paper and connect it to another stick on the back bottom of the loom. And while you’re doing this, the threads have to be looped and dipped and swopped all around other sticks — hanging apparently at random — on the loom.

In the meantime, the Gremlin is walking around with the shuttle in her hot and sticky little hands wanting to know when she can start weaving cloth.

She and her big sister have plans. Gremlin is going to weave the cloth — Binky is going to sew “something” out of it.

It’s all our fault anyway. At the Mid-South Fair in September, we forced the monsters (oops, I mean girls) to stop at the hand-weaving guild’s booth. We thought they’d be at least mildly interested. We had no idea that both of them, especially the Gremlin, would fall head over heels in love with passing a shuttle back and forth through strings and making cloth.

So, I’m blaming Mom and Santa Claus for the current mess on my dining room table!

If I could just find someone to blame for the mess in the rest of my house...

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